I pray for patience. I can’t wait for what happens next!

Well, I survived finals. School has really been tough for me. I am afraid I will probably be taking anatomy for a third time. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing, retaking a class I keep failing, but I’ve never failed and I certainly do not quit! I am considering other options, but I really want Nursing, and if I do change my major, I don’t want it to be because I gave up.

I’m still living in my bunk bed with the Maloy family. They are so good to me. I am truly learning the pure example of charity. This family amazes me. They didn’t ask questions when I moved in, and still do not ask when I will be leaving. I hate not having a plan. All they ask is I do my part with chores around the house. This move has been so much easier than I expected. The hard part now, however, is I don’t have a plan as to when I will move out. I have a weakness of always being ready with my next move. I think it’s a great quality, but sometimes I need to learn to wait and see what the Lord has in store for me. I get so busy planning my own life, and He makes it a point to remind me that I am not in charge. He knows me well. In fact, the other day I was having a hard day. I had failed my Final in anatomy, and was very discouraged. I was driving to my boyfriend’s, Matt Rogers, house. Well, I’m driving along when all the sudden, out of the clear blue, a PEACOCK runs… charges my car! Out of nowhere!! A peacock! Clearly, it was my Father’s way of telling me to cheer up!! I laughed and was in a much better mood for the rest of the evening.

The blessing I received in Feb, that I have mentioned, still stays strong in my heart. It amazes me how truly divine the priesthood is. A part of the blessing said to “simply do what makes sense”. It is a constant reminder for me. I am an expert at over-complicating things. With the move into the Maloys’, it just made sense. The blessing said I need to be with those who love me, not worry about finances and this all seems to add up to moving in. This was the riskiest move I have made, strictly based on what Heavenly Father wanted. I am financially stable, I can be on my own, but somehow, it is not in my plan. The blessing also said to practice patience in my relationships, and prepare for marriage. Hmmm, THAT was interesting.

I am still dating the sweet handsome man who helped me move in, back in Feb. His name is Matthew Rogers. He is amazing. O where do I even begin? I was introduced to him by his brother, Sean, who I call Mario because I met him at a costume party. I was new in West Jordan, where Matt lives, and I randomly thought I should invite him to take institute with me. I knew he was dating someone else, and it was pretty serious, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt. I was a little nervous because I had never done that before, and I didn’t even know him. But I asked him on the internet, FaceBook, since I didn’t have his number and decided if all else fails, its not like I'd see him again. We started talking pretty quick, and he left his number for me. So, we started to text back and forth all day the next day, and that night he came to my apartment to discuss when we could go to institute. For some reason, I just talked and talked. His eyes were big and he seemed interested, but wow! I said way too much way too fast! I loved his eyes, they lit up when we started talking about institute and he started talking about his mission. You could sense the passion he has for the gospel in his eyes. When he left, I asked for a hug. Who does that? When he was gone I was embarrassed. I’d never talked so openly, or for a hug! What in the world! But… the next day we met at institute. I saved him a seat on the front row. Institute was so fun; it was a Book of Mormon class. The teacher was so intriguing, he got permission from the First Presidency to split it up into 3 ways instead of the standard two semesters. Amazing class! After the first class, Matt and I talked forever! The next day we continued to talk all day on the phone. It was like we already knew each other, reunited friends. The next day, while we were talking, we found out we were both going to the same concert with our own group of friends. I figured since he lived down the street from me, I could pick him up and go together, meet our friends there. He agreed and he came to my house. On the way there, we were talking and he insisted I eat at Marie Calendar’s. His dad is a big time manager across the northern part of Utah and I told him I had never eaten there before. So we went and he helped me decide what to get. We split our meals half-half. He actually counted the shrimp and probably noodles too. He is so cute. We went to the Dashboard Confessional concert, in Ogden, (Jan 15). While the opening bands played, we walked around the block, it was an outdoor concert and since it was January, there were still Christmas lights up. We talked and talked, neither of us even noticed how casual or easy it was being with each other. We heard them announce that the band was coming out, so we ran back! We stood under a street light, the snow was glistening and he was hugging me from behind as we sang all our favorite songs. I was so excited!! It was unexpected, but I welcomed it! I couldn’t believe it was happening so fast. We even kissed on the first date! I broke my own rule! But… it was worth it. That following Monday he fixed my brakes on my car for me! In the cold weather and everything! He is so sweet and kind.

We have some good memories. Some of my favorites so far, are simple things, like listening to him sing. I love his voice. He planned a fun date, on a Saturday, he kidnapped me and kept surprising me all day. He planned a picnic on Ensign Peak for lunch, then we went to the Mall and dressed each other up in prom dresses for me, and sexy country boy for Matt. He then took me swimming. Then we went to dinner, and afterwards met up with my best friend Kandace and played games. What a fun day!! We love doing fun active things together, and he loves the fact that I keep a baseball mit and ball, roller blades, and other things including a tent, in my car at all times. You never know when you’ll need them!

Now, we are still seeing each other everyday, or close to it, for 4 months now. He makes me so happy. He keeps me laughing, and treats me so well. I’ve never felt this way with someone before. I get frustrated sometimes, mostly it is the plateau feeling, the “what now” phase. I am always planning the next move. My friend, Tara, put it in perspective for me. After being upset with me for taking him back, she said she was happy with me, then got frustrated and said, “why am I being so impatient, so ready to change the title. I have a boyfriend, why does he have to be fiancé or ex.” I realized, I was getting excited and needed to relax. I am so caught up with trying to keep things changing and moving, I need to “be patient in my relationships, and prepare for marriage”. I’m still deciding what this means, but the words stay in my head. I pray every night and say, If this is wrong, stop us from going further. But if it is right, help me to have the patience to wait.

I pray for patience. I can’t wait for what happens next!

Flashback

Life is full of curve balls, strikes and foul balls, I would sure like a home run. I have no idea where God is taking me, or how long it will take. This is the story so far…

I graduated, in 2004, I moved the next week to St George Utah, with a couple scholarships to Dixie State and a job waiting for me, I was on my way! Life was fun, I had good friends, including my best friend BreAnne Trappett, whom I left to move back up north to SLC. I was in St Geroge for 3 years, and suddenly felt I needed to move. It was divine intervention, it was the perfect time for me to leave.

Tara, Kandace, Melissa, Me

In 2007 I was transferred from St George to Centerville Utah as a manager at Target, where I moved in with brand new room mates Tara Brown, Kandace Pack-Hatch, Jessie Stanfield-Cornelious, and Melissa Maloy. I will always remember these girls, my best friends. They have changed me for the better, and I keep a piece of them with me forever.

My close friends all got married or moved away, and I moved to start fresh with some girls in West Jordan, close to the community college, where I had started back at school, full time for Nursing. I quit Target, and felt a strong urge to go back to school. I got hired at a hospital in downtown SLC at LDS Hospital in the Operating Room. I love working here, and I am anxious to finish school. I then, received another strong urge to leave where I was in West Jordan to live with Melissa Maloy and her family.

One day at church, in Jan, I was prompted to receive a blessing. I had plans to see Melissa that night for a fireside, so after the fireside, I asked her father for a blessing. I understand the term “Overcome by the spirit”, because I felt it so strongly. It was close to the feelings of when I received my Patriarchal blessing. I was told, and knew that I was to move in with the Maloy family. The blessing was very powerful, overwhelmingly true to what I needed to hear, most things I knew, or should have known, but needed to be reminded. Many personal things were said, but one thing stood out, that I needed to move in with ‘people who loved and cared for me’. I was told I have many options, but I knew what I was supposed to do, and so did the Maloy’s. I hadn’t felt the spirit so strongly, to make such a specific decision, and so abruptly. I was moved out two weeks later. Many little miracles happened, which enabled me to move my things, and leave my lease without any complications or money problems with the current room mates.

Me and Melissa Maloy

I am learning the true example of charity while living here with the Maloy’s. Paul and Ann are phenomenal people, and their family has already taught me so much. I am deeply grateful for their love and care for me, adopting me as their own. I sleep on a bunk bed, with 3 girls all in one tight room. I do chores around the house to help keep my stay, doing dishes, trash or vacuum. Its amazing, the difference between living on my own, trying to balance work, church, school and family from last semester to this semester. Last semester I spent many nights crying or overwhelmed with how to pay for rent, tuition or groceries. I felt like a candle in a hurricane, trying simply to stay alive and felt so alone. Church was a task, I didn’t feel welcome, school was demanding and seemed impossible, and I felt like a disappointment to work and to my family, I was only half-there, all the time. Multitasking is the inability to complete any one task. That’s how I felt, trying to do so much, while leaving everything in pieces. I failed school, finally received my student loans, and burnt myself out. I had no time for anyone, including myself, or the Lord.

However, now, while living with the Maloy’s, I have taken on extra responsibilites, I’m taking institute, full time school, 30 hours of work, and an amazing boy friend, I seem to have plenty of time. I am still very stressed with school, and I’m concerned with my future with how long I will live with the Maloys, or what I should do with my life, but I can testify, putting the Lord first, and asking Him for help, rather than doing it on my own, has opened up my possibilities. I am becoming who I am, and want to be, rather than struggling simply to get by. I am progressing and changing for the better. I hated that small slight slump in my progress. A plateau. I was still so much stronger than when I left St George, but I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who blesses and guides me, even to the exact day of when and where I should be and provides a way for me to get there.

I am so thankful for my testimony of this gospel, I love who I am in it, and who God is molding me to become. I feel myself growing. I am truly humbled. My whole life, I have felt on my own. I love my family so much, I know they do their best. I was raised to do things on my own, I didn’t want to bother anyone with my little problems. Everyone else needs more help that I do. Heavenly Father has so much planned for me, I have faith that these opportunities for growth are preparing me for something so much greater than I can comprehend. I hope to learn my lesson quick, and hit my next home run! Whether it is getting married, finishing school or whatever the next chapter is that lies ahead. I have so much faith in Christ. I am truly humbled and even though I hate to ask for help, I realize if I don’t ask, he will bring me to my knees until I ask. He knows I am stubborn and quick to forget that I need him. I am eternally grateful for someone who guides my life, I will never forget to stop and listen.